Obey

We are working on "obeying" with Nathan. This has resulted in many spankings. That boy is so hard-headed!
When I was discussing this with my best friend Brooke, I was telling her how after I have to discipline Nathan, I explain it by saying, "Nathan, you need to listen to Mommy when she tells you to do something." She pointed out that there is a difference between listening and obeying. We can hear what someone tells us to do, and still not do it. (Much as we do with God!)
When the boys I babysit were being picked up today, their mom was having a hard time getting them into their shoes and coats and out the door. I told Dallas, "You need to obey your mommy." (Because that's what I say to Nathan.) That led to a short conversation about the word "obey". She mentioned she didn't have it in her marriage vows.
(Thus the focus of this blog.)
I know a lot of women who leave the "obey" part out of their vows. I don't know why we are so afraid of that word. To me, it seems more powerful that I know I can defy him, but I choose to not do that. I am in control of myself more if I can let someone else be in control.
I don't know if that makes sense in anyone's mind but my own. I'm not saying wives need to obey their husbands if he is asking them to do something illegal or morally degrading. The vow to obey, in my mind, means that when you come to a stand-off in a decision, you let him have the final say - even if that means failure. (And part of obeying/submission is not throwing it back into his face with an "I told you so!") I believe in a healthy marriage, the husband won't call all the shots with no thoughts as to what his wife wants. They will discuss things, and come to a mutual agreement.
There have been times that Paul thought we should do things a certain way, and after explaining my point of view to him, he decided "my way" was better. But in times that no agreement can be reached, I choose to let Paul have the final say.
I've not had to "obey" my husband when it comes to a stand-off over a major issue that will affect our future, such as a move or a job change. There have been times that I really want to do something/go somewhere and he says he'd rather not - so we stay home. (And, admittedly, I have sulked a few times over these things.)
I'm not even sure if "obey" was in our wedding vows. But it's something I will gladly do - for better or for worse!