Surprising My Hubby about Baby #7

 Almost a year after his arrival, I have the bandwidth to write down the birth story of our "third last child" - Malachi Jarrott.

Malachi was conceived on my birthday - days past my ovulation date, when all the symptoms said we were clear.  (We knowingly didn't use protection, but there are secondary reasons for that, which is another story and testimony.)  I should have started my period when I was at Women's Encounter with my sisters and niece.... But it didn't show up. (Glad they didn't notice!) After a week, I took a test.

For all of our 6 previous children, Paul has either known because we were planning, or has been suspicious, so I have never surprised him with pregnancy news.  I sat on this surprise for days, and finally my chance came.  Paul's work had done a big remodel and had added a new cafeteria.  He had been asking for me to come visit, so I took the two little girls and went up to eat lunch with him for his birthday.  (It was actually the day before his birthday.)  I told him I would text him from the parking lot to let him know we had arrived.  So I texted, "We're here." and then "PS. I'm pregnant."

He was already waiting at the door for us and saw me pull in, so he didn't check his messages.  We sat at the cafeteria and he ordered some food for the girls and we sat down to chat.  It was pretty obvious he hadn't read my text, so I said, "You need to check your messages."  He's like "okaaaay...." and picked up his phone.  He looked at the message, and then looked up at me and asked, "Is this a joke?" 

It wasn't, but at the same time, it was.  I knew he wouldn't react in front of the coworkers in the cafeteria (they already tease him about his big family), and we couldn't talk about it in front of the girls unless we wanted the whole world to know, which I definitely wasn't ready for.  I could tell he was surprised and confused and happy, but he just said, "I have so many questions."

There was definitely a lot of texting (and deleting texts from my phone because of snooping children!).  So Malachi was part of both of our birthdays in the summer of 2024.

We finally started telling people in September, when I couldn't hide it any longer.  We told the kids first.  Opal just said, "Nope!" and walked away.  Jacob declared he was moving out.  And guess who the two that are the most doting on this new little one?  Yep.  Those are the two!

A Long While

Oh my goodness, how long has it been since I actually posted an update?
It was just a bit busy during February and the beginning of March.  Now life has slowed down, and the weather has warmed up, and we are doing good.
I don't even know where to begin. 
The reason I was so busy in February was that I helped plan and put on our church's main (only?) event for women.  We have an annual one-day "mini-retreat."  This year,  we called it "A Season for Everything" and I have to say, I think it was the best yet.  We had 5 women talk about the different seasons of life that they are in or have been in, and what got them through it.  It was amazing how God tied everything together.  We didn't really know any of what the others would talk about, but yet the theme, the ideas, and the Scripture all pointed back to the same things.
We also did an Awana Grand Prix workshop the last weekend of February, followed by the Grand Prix event the first weekend of March.
The second weekend of March I went with nearly 30 women from the Ottawa area to Women's Encounter.  I didn't personally have any friends going as attendees, but I think God knew that I needed this time for ME.  It has been a long two years since the last time I went.  With nursing, not sleeping, and trying to live in it while finishing the projects..... Even though all of those things are getting better, I needed this rejuvination.  I got to give a gospel presentation to 267 women.  And I got to spend the weekend serving with 6 awesome women that have done so much to challenge and encourage and inspire me (my mom and sister included).  It was a great time to realize how much I appreciate the ladies that God has placed in my life. 
Paul and I celebrated our 11th anniversary on March 20.  We went out for BBQ and rented a couple movies.  (Loved Fury, a movie about a tank crew in WWII.  The newest Hunger Games installment, Mockingjay, was a snoozer.)  Every anniversary gets more and more low key, but I am perfectly fine with that.  I love loving my husband!  I'm so thankful for our marriage and the strength and commitment my husband has.... Even on days that I'm not very friendly.
As for the kids....
Gideon has been sleeping through the night ever since I weaned him in December.  He went from waking up 2-4 times a night while nursing, to a solid 8-12 hours.  I got used to that REAL fast, but I still feel like I'm catching up from last year.  The last couple days he's been a bit fussy and grumpy.  I think it's more teeth, even though all 16 are broken through.  It doesn't seem like Gideon eats more than 2 bites at meals.  Even at snacks, he very rarely eats more then a few bites.  The only thing he'll chow down is bananas.  He loves to play "I'm gonna get you!" and will run through the house squealing with laughter as someone chases him.  The older boys love playing this game with him.  He's not talking yet (surprise, surprise).  He nods and shakes his head - not always the right motion for the answer he's trying to give, but it's a step!  And he has one-syllable sounds for some words, like please and thank you and milk.  I was hoping he would be different than the last two, but he's shaping up to be silent til he's 2, just like they were.  (He's almost 16 months.)  He's still pretty high-maintenence when it comes to needing entertained.  He wants to be held most of the time when I'm around.
Zadie is.... Zadie!  That's all I can say, and for anyone that knows her, that says it all!  She's such a little boss.  She is so different than the boys!  She talks to her toys, and her toys talk to each other.  The other day, her hot dog and her toy girl were having a conversation about a toy pteredactyl!  She is really into clothes, but not in a prissy way.  She wants a pretty dress, but then she'll go out and dig in the dirt and climb trees.  Lately, she's been wanting me to braid her hair all the time, which really helps with the tangle situation - if we can get past the drama of brushing it out.  I'm sure our neighbors (who live a quarter mile away!) can hear her screaming like she's being skinned alive!  Some days I just don't want to deal with that.  She still loves her babies, and talks about being a mommy.  The other day she showed me that she was nursing her baby.  Paul wasn't sure what to think, but I think it's great that she has a concept of what's natural.  She also has wanted to start doing "school."  This consists on flashcards to teach her colors, and a calendar like the boys' that she gets to draw on.  Her 3rd birthday is in a couple weeks.  And we're FINALLY POTTY TRAINED!!!!  We still have an accident occasionally, but it is SO nice to have her using the potty on her own.
Jacob has really picked up on reading.  He blasted through all the short vowels and consanants.  He's stuck on long vowels, but I think it's because it requires effort and thought.  He is totally my child when it comes to that.  "I'll do it if it's easy."  But he's also figured out that if he just DOES his school, instead of whining and wandering off, he can get it done SO FAST.  Like seriously, two hours tops.  He's only got about a dozen math lessons left for Kindergarten.  I'm not sure what we're going to do for a stopping place on reading, since we're not really using a curriculum at this point.  I know we'll do some type of reading through the summer, just not sure what yet.
School is getting better with Nathan, most days.  Part of it is I've made a concious effort to change my attitude.  He reflects my attitude.  Some days it's hard.  But I offer grace, again and again (just like God does for us).  I discipline him when he needs it, but show excitement and give enthusiastic praise for good work minutes later, so he can see I'm not holding his bad attitude against him if he will choose to change it.  He's come a long way in his reading.  He's still behind what our curriculum says he should be (probably reading at a 1st grade level according to their standards), but I'm not too worried about it, since he's interested in it and making effort.  We will probably do full reading/phonics curriculum over the summer to try to catch him up.  Jacob is close to catching Nathan, but a lot of that is because it's come very naturally to Jacob (how I was as a child), whereas Nathan really had to think about it at first.  Math is definitely the subject that takes the most time in his school, as he has a math lesson (where I teach new concepts), a time test, a two-sided worksheet (one is supposed to be homework, but that never happens if we try to do it later), plus counting, time, and money questions.  I haven't done as well at drilling the math tables as I should have, but he at least has the skills to figure them out if he can't recall them by rote memorization.  I would prefer he doesn't have to use fingers, but sometimes I still do!
We're finishing up on the house projects.  The electricity in the boys' rooms (play room and bed room) is done, so Paul is finishing putting up sheet rock (right at this moment, actually!).  He finished the sheetrock in the main stairway as well, so now all we have to do is paint.  Paint..... So much of that to do, and I don't even want to think about it.  It's kind of an overwhelming thought, mostly because I know that every aspect of life otherwise will have to come to a standstill to get those projects done, so I am not looking forward to it.  (But I priced hiring it out, and NO WAY.)  Paul got the small deck on the east side of the house put back on - CHANGED MY LIFE.  It is so nice to be able to walk across a porch to access the house, rather than having the all the dirt from the yard applied directly to my floors.  (We have no grass for about 20 feet in any direction from the house.)  We got 3 beautiful solid-wood doors, for the two new bathrooms and the boys' bedrooms.  So the back bathroom is fully funcional and private (previously just had a curtain).  Paul got the toilet installed in the downstairs bathroom, but we're a while out from getting the shower put in.  I told him that the back deck is higher on my priority list.  Having a bathroom downstairs is really going to mess up the boys' school routine - their favorite trick to try is the "I need to go poop!" excuse, and then they promptly disappear for a half an hour.  Going to look for the missing truant means the remaining boy will escape or become totally distracted.  So having toilet and sink down there solves all excuses!
Warm weather means we're planning a garden and flower beds.  My main flower bed got completely torn out, so all there is is bare dirt at the front of our house between the house and the driveway.  I'm excited to start from scratch, but also overwhelmed at the options for such a huge amount of square footage.  I'm also looking forward to replenishing the vegetable supply.  This having to buy produce is crap.  And no one likes the frozen store veggies, so other than salads, we haven't been doing too well on healthy eating!
Anyhow.  That's a glimpse of life lately.  I'll try to put up pictures soon.

Rhodes Report 2014

This is my annual letter - "Christmas letter," if you will - that I send out after the first of the year.  This years was record length, I think.

As I was reflecting on the start of the New Year, and looking back on the past year, the words to one of our family’s favorite songs kept going through my head:

The sun comes up, it's a new day dawning; It's time to sing Your song again.
Whatever may pass, and whatever lies before me, Let me be singing when the evening comes.

Bless the Lord, O my soul, O my soul!  Worship His holy name.
Sing like never before, O my soul!  I’ll worship Your holy name.

--“10,000 Reasons” by Matt Redman and Jonas Myrin

I can’t think of a better thought to begin the New Year – WHATEVER happens – BLESS THE LORD!

This has been a year of “whatever” – and what a year it has been!

We opened 2014 more exhausted than ever before in our life.  Our newest, Gideon (born December 2013), refused to sleep at night.  One or both of us spent every night rocking, walking, holding, and praying for him to sleep.  The good news is, it got better.  The bad news is, it took several months for him to start sleeping on his own at night (and he didn’t sleep through the night –at all- ‘til after he turned 1).  But now all of that is behind us, and Gideon is a happy, active 1-year-old who walks (runs), climbs, wrestles, and explores.  He has 12 (!) teeth and the most adorable smile.  He nods and shakes his head when you ask him questions, and has the most infectious laugh. 

Zadie turned 2 in April.  Even though she jabbered constantly, she didn’t start talking intelligibly until late summer.  In the months since then, her vocabulary has grown by leaps and bounds, and we can understand almost every word now.  She is a little mother, constantly bossing the household around.  She is also a girly-girl.  Everything pink, sparkly, fluffy, and otherwise fancy she loves.  She adores jewelry and is obsessed with shoes.  She constantly asks to have her fingernails painted.  Thankfully, she also loves being a “Mommy” and playing with her babies and cooking in her kitchen.  She has recently decided she’s going to use the potty.  That can’t happen soon enough; I am SO done with having two in diapers.

Jacob turned 5 in October.  We started Kindergarten with him this fall.   He seems to pick things up very quickly.  Some of it may be “spillover” from being present as Nathan learned these things, but he just seems to have a very quick mind in remembering things.  Math he’s breezing through, doing several lessons a day, and even though reading is a bit more work for him, but he’s still doing great for a 5-year-old!  He enjoys Legos, kitties, outdoors, and dinosaurs.  He’s always willing to help, whether it be sweeping the floor at home, or doing chores at Grammy and Pa-Pa’s.  In December, Jacob had surgery to repair a small hernia above his belly button – the hereditary weak spot – and it didn’t slow him down one bit.

Nathan turned 7 in September.  He’s in 2^nd grade at home.  We are still behind in reading, but made a huge turn this summer when he finally decided that reading might be useful, and stopped arguing and started trying.  He’s making good progress and can read simple books.  We have a deal made for his time tests in Math – if he can complete it in less than 2 minutes, he gets a dollar toward buying a watch.  He always scores 100, but the higher addition tables take a while for him to figure in his head.  Nathan enjoys anything army, camouflage, or gun-related – so of course, Duck Dynasty!  He spends hours playing with his Legos and drawing or acting out army scenes.  He is very helpful with projects, doing a lot of work on the house this year (installing sheetrock and flooring), side-by-side with his dad or Grandpa.

Paul and I celebrated 10 years of marriage in March.  It’s been pretty close to a “perfect 10”, and we couldn’t be happier.  We love loving each other, and are truly thrilled to be best friends.  Paul just completed his 15^th year at AGC (6^th as a supervisor).  I am so proud of him.  I still “just” stay home.  In July, I had a [repeat] hernia surgery (same spot as Jacob’s).  Hopefully we are done with that issue.

To explain our crazy summer, I have to first start with last spring.  Paul and I wanted to do some updates and improvements to the house.  We knew our floors weren’t level (by several inches), so before replacing doors and windows, we wanted to see what we could do about leveling up the house.  It turns out that our floors weren’t level because two of our rock foundation walls were collapsing.  After having 3 companies come and give us inspections and estimates, and much prayer, we made the decision to completely tear out our stone cellar and foundation…… And replace it with a full concrete basement.  So now we have level floors – and twice as much living space as a year ago! 

We could not live in the house while work was being done – no water or gas, plus the fact that the whole thing was up on jacks!  We spent 12 weeks living in Williamsburg with Paul’s parents.  We so appreciate all of their help and generosity.  We moved back in the first week of October.  Paul has 3 months down on finishing this project….  And 20 years to go!  We tore off our old back porch/laundry room/utility room/disaster area (which would not have stayed attached to the house had we tried to jack it up with the rest of it), and replaced it with a new, taller, brighter back porch/mud room, with a half bath.  We moved the laundry, freezers, and hot water tank to the basement.  We will add a full bath in the basement (at some point), and this summer we will complete a bedroom for the older boys (eventually all 3).  The schoolroom is also downstairs – bliss! the dining room table is clean! – along with plenty of space to play.  With all new plumbing and ductwork – plus no wind howling through cracks in the rock foundation – our house is much warmer and draft free (and no frozen pipes!).

We can’t talk about the basement project without giving glory to God!  It was obvious from start to finish that this was God and He was blessing us in outrageous ways.  From the huge things – like providing the money – to the small – like our freezers were empty when we had to move them to the shop – we have felt His guidance every step.  We are overjoyed that He saw fit to give us this blessing.

Homeschool was an adventure this year.  The combination of a nursing baby, a demanding toddler, and an incredibly tired mommy made for lots of days of doing the bare minimum.  I think we took 3 spring breaks, so we weren’t done with school yet when we moved out in July.  The boys finally finished up in August while we were living at Grandpa & Grandma’s, and we didn’t start up again until October when we moved back home.  That’s the beauty of homeschooling!  We took a break from music lessons this year.  My lack of sleep for six months and our insane summer, combined with daily whining and arguing about practicing, made this one thing that became not important to me at this point.  Life has settled down now and we hope to take that task back up sometime soon.

Last year when I wrote this letter, my little sister was recently home from her two years in Africa with the Peace Corps.  In March, her boyfriend that she had met while living in Zambia came to visit.  In June, he went back home……. As her husband!  Carlsie and Jono now live in Zimbabwe, which is where Jono grew up.  Jono works as Chief Agronomist for Green Fuel, a huge farm that grown sugar cane for ethanol production.  We are thrilled to add Jono to our family!

We were able to take a small trip to Silver Dollar City in October.  We planned it in January, before we’d even imagined the basement project.  We were only home for two weeks before we left again, but it was a great time.  We had a “family reunion” of sorts, which included Paul’s parents , his sister, his aunt and her husband, and his cousin and her husband and their 3 kids.  The kids thoroughly enjoyed their time together, as did the grown-ups.  It was a nice time to just relax and enjoy fun together.

We are still blessed to be part of the family at Ottawa Bible.  We are involved in Awana, and a weekly small group that meets at the church.  The older boys and I helped out with our 14^th annual Bethlehem experience, which they loved.  We had over 1200 guests come through this year.  We have also gone several times to local nursing homes to do some music ministry.  Paul is still very involved with Men’s Encounter, and we both look forward to serving at several Encounters again this year.

Obviously, our lives are full and busy.  We are truly blessed, and we count you each as a blessing, that you are our family and friends.  We hope the New Year finds you happy and hopeful as you look to the future.  We may never know what the future holds, but we know the One who holds the future, so we can find peace in trusting in Him.

Love to all,

Paul & Rachel

Nathan, Jacob, Zadie, and Gideon

Station Break

So in the span of three weeks, we have had/will have....

• music at a wedding (and don't forget rehearsal!)
• VBS, at 8:30 AM each morning
• surgery
• recovery from said surgery (still in progress)
• Horses, Boots, and Bibles kids day camp
• music for said camp, at 8 AM each morning
• music for another wedding (and don't forget rehearsal!)
• helping with launch and return of women for Encounter (There's still time to register, ladies!)

And don't forget, our house is still in shambles through all of this.

And surprisingly, I'm not stressed!  I guess that's the comfort of knowing God's in control. 

I will update progress on the house.... Some day.  After next weekend.  Or maybe before..... 

:)

2014 Home Improvements, Part Three: Bedroom Makeover (A Bed in the Closet?)

(Okay, so this is the next post I wrote, but it's not the one I promised.  I will write it as a separate post, and it will be at the top of the page, so it will LOOK like the next post I wrote.....)

This home improvement wasn't really on my radar.  I get frustrated at our lack of bedroom space.  We have 3 closets in our bedroom (there are 4 total in the whole house), plus a window and the door.  So there's really only been one way to lay out our bedroom.  There's room for the bed..... And that's it.
Several years ago, I got some of those wire shelves to organize the big closet.  It helped with the clothes situation, but still.  Boring bedroom.

Yes, this is "clean" for us.  And normally, the bed isn't even this close to being made.

We have one of those wide closets that have  the accordion doors (had, before we moved in - it was covered by a curtain, but I took that down after the millionth time of the rod falling down).  In my frustration I mentioned trying to turn the bed sideways on one wall, to gain a little room.  And then I said, "Unless it would fit into the closet."

We eyeballed it.  Hmm.... That might just work.
But we didn't do anything about it.  A couple weeks later, Paul was gone at Encounter for the weekend.  I was determined he would come home to a clean bedroom, so I sorted and put away the piles (and piles) (and boxes) of clothes, and then with the newly clean bedroom, I started eyeballing the closet again......
And decided, what the heck?  I'd surprise Paul with not only a clean bedroom, but also a re-arranged bedroom!

It fits!  Like a glove, but it's in there!

Our temporary furnishings.  But look at all that floor space!

When Paul got home, I told him my idea.  He must have liked it, because the next day we did measuring, then after sleeping on it (literally) again that night, we went to the lumberyard to get the materials.  It was raining buckets that day, so we had them deliver the following Friday.

I had second thoughts during the week, because I slept so horribly.  It turned out that our bed was sloped two inches from one side to the other, because of the collapsing basement walls (which will be fixed in the big job this summer).  Once Paul put a 2x4 under my side of the bed, I started sleeping like  a baby.

I’d like to say we got it all done in a weekend, but weekend projects just don’t happen when you have a tiny one, and 3 other “helpful” ones.  Basically what happened was Paul worked on it, and I’d step in and help out or offer my opinions (demands) between nursings.  And then I got sick, and didn't want to deal with paint fumes while having a cold.  So it took two weeks to actually finish a weekend project.

We had a few differences in opinions on how I was planning to do it, and how he was planning to do it.  (We didn’t actually discuss those details.  Oops.)  But nothing major, and I think the end result came out FANTASTIC!

I will put a shelf and/or some art above the pillows.

I realize our home will never look like a Better Homes and Gardens article.  I am okay with that.
It still looks awesome! :)

 I love it.  It’s exactly what I wanted, and it doubles the useable space in our bedroom.  Now, instead of having zero free walls, we have 3 free walls.  I will get to have to get a dresser, and I managed to procure one – for free! – that was exactly what I envisioned.  It will need a good scrubbing and a paint job, but I can handle that.  (It may take a month or two.....)

There were some ways that we cut corners on the job.  We only put the beadboard paneling on 3 inside walls, and not the ones adjoining the doorway (that we can only see while laying in bed).

There were other ways that I wanted to cut corners, literally, that Paul did an awesome job cutting the corners on.  Look at that work!  (I was just going to chop it at a 45 angle.)

The wall on the right is the one we didn't panel.  We just painted the particleboard to match.

Paul came up with the idea to angle the support boards, and it looks so much nicer than squared ends would have!

I also did a very, very fast job on the painting (remember the whole baby thing?), so if you look close at the shelves or paneling, you can see through in places.  But again, it’s our bedroom, and the only ones who will see my shoddy work are Paul and I when laying in bed.  And we have better things to do in bed than inspect our handiwork. 

(I’m talking about sleeping.  Geez!)

So the bedroom isn’t totally done, but I am totally thrilled with the new layout!  I still need to paint the walls, but that will wait til after the big job is done, because there’s a very good chance all our walls will crack.  I’ll also get a new bedspread and curtains.  I can’t wait!  

Encounter Reunion Teaching: Husbands and Wives

A couple weeks ago, I spoke at a reunion for Encounter attendees.  We invited the attendees and families of anyone who has went to an Encounter in this area.  I am definitely not a public speaker, so it wasn't polished like it may seem in writing.  A couple people said they wished they had heard it, or that they thought I should share it again, so here it is.....

So, to warn you, a prerequisite for speaking at Women’s Encounter is crying.  Just so you know.  I don’t do public speaking, at least not to groups of people older than 6.  So I’ll probably lose it.

My name is Rachel Rhodes.  My husband is Paul.  We've been married for 10 years, and we have 4 kids.  Nathan, our oldest, is 6.  Jacob is 4.  Then we have Zadie, who will be two next month, and our youngest is Gideon, who was born in December.

I went to my first Encounter last April, almost a year ago.  Ladies (well.... and guys!), if you haven't been to Encounter, I really encourage you to go.  It's hard to describe what Encounter is.  It's not really a "retreat."  It's not really a "conference."  It really is an "Encounter" - a time for you to get away from your normal and encounter God.  For me, it was just a really great time of refreshing my soul.  At that point in my life, I was giving a lot, and not getting a lot put back in.

In my life, I'm surrounded by "Christian."  I grew up in a Christian home, went to a Christian school, worked at a Christian bookstore, married a Christian husband, go to this Christian church, volunteer at Christian ministries, etc.  I knew I would get something out of Encounter, but what knocked me over was something totally surprising to me:  a teaching on True Worth.  

It's hard for me to put into words exactly what was impressed on my heart that weekend, but I think I can sum it up in this:

I don't think I'm one that struggles with self-image.  I know who I am; I know what I am; I am completely content.  I am a wife, mom, and at the time I went, a worship leader.  Good things.  But it struck me that God doesn't care if I'm good.  My good things don't matter to Him.  I think part of the reason this struck me is because all my life I've worked to be good.  I know you can't earn God's love, but maybe on some level I thought He'd love me more since I tried so hard.  But He doesn't love me because I'm good.  He loves me because I am His.  He made me.  He died for me to redeem me and keep me as HIS.  Nothing I can do can make Him love me any more or any less.  This is reassuring because if there’s any time I can’t do those “good” things, He’s not going to love me less.

So that's a little about my Encounter, in a nutshell.  But I have another side of Encounter to talk about:  the side of a wife whose husband has also gone to Encounter.

Paul went to his first Encounter a year and a half ago, in September of 2012.  He has been to 6 since then.

I will admit - Paul's first Encounter, I really more or less nagged him to go.  It was like, "Okay, Dad and JC want you to go to this thing in September.  I know you need it, even if you don't think you do.  You don't have to work that weekend.  You're going."  

Not really the “submissive wife” role.  Oops.

But Paul I think would agree.  It was a good thing I "forced" him to go.  Encounter for him has changed our marriage and our lives.

I have trouble being honest about when we have problems in our marriage.  Everyone has problems at some point, but I feel like to talk about those problems is somehow disrespecting my husband, because I love him and we really do have a great marriage overall.  So this is hard for me.

I won't go into the details of what all has changed, because that is Paul's testimony and not mine.  But I will tell you this:  Ladies, if you want your husband to change, all of your nagging and crying in the world isn't going to do it.  It has to be his decision to change, and it has to be God that puts it in his heart that it's time to change. 

I think all of us want our husbands to change at some point, for one reason or another.  And sometimes we're not nice about it:  "You need to get your crap together, and you need to do it now, on my time schedule, the way I say you should do it."  Sometimes I wish it worked that way, but that's not how it goes. (And this is not to say I don't continue to have outbursts where I talk to Paul this way.  It's a process....)

 And most guys I know - my husband included - shut down when their wives start after them in that way.  Oh, they may change for a while to keep the peace, but it's not a lasting change. Most of the things that are different since Paul’s Encounter are things that I had tried and tried for all of our marriage to get Paul to do.  He would change for a while, to make me happy, but then slowly shift back to the same old ways.  But since his Encounter, he made the choice to change, because he knew it was GOD that wanted the change.

Okay, so remember I told you Paul had been to 7 Encounters?  What follows Encounter?  Seven weeks of...... Post Encounters.  So for him, that's 49 weeks in the last year and a half that he's had Post Encounter meetings to go to.  

 I don't know how many of you did your Post Encounters, but I think that those meetings are almost as important as the weekend itself.  But I think a lot of wives guilt their husbands into not going.  They may not mean for it to be that way, but I think that’s how it comes off…. "You had your weekend, and it was good, but I had to watch the kids by myself.  Now you want to leave us alone on our one free night a week for the next two months?"

I have had several times where I’ve forgotten about the meetings.  Paul would be at work all weekend, and I’d think we’d finally have a night together, and he’d remind me a couple hours before he had to leave.  I didn’t say anything to him, but there were times that after he left I’d be fuming while washing dishes, and have to really pray about my attitude.  I’d say, “God, if this is something I need to be upset about and talk to Paul about, let me be able to do that.  If it’s not, then change my attitude.”  And I think every time, by the time he came home, my attitude had changed, and I was happy for him and wanted to hear about how the meeting went.

Ladies, I have a question for you.  Be really honest.  If you knew that giving up one night a week, just 2 or 3 hours a week, would make your husband a better husband, a better father, and a better Christian..... Would you let him go for that time?

As Christians, we’re told to “consider one another’s interests ahead of your own,” and also to “motivate one another to acts of love and good works.” I think this is especially true in marriage.  A lot of times there’s this disconnect in how we treat other Christians and how we treat our spouses.  We think, “oh, I’m supposed to treat my friends at church this way,” but we don’t even consider that our first person we are supposed to be “considering ahead of ourselves” and “motivating” is the person we live with every day!  So we need to support our husbands in what they want to do.  In what we want him to do!  I say I want Paul to be a better Christian and a better leader, and meeting with other Christian men can achieve this!  Since he has started meeting with a men’s Sunday School class, and having weekly meetings with brothers in Christ, the whole spiritual tone of our house has changed. 

Our men need this time together.  The Bible says, "Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another."  They are challenging each other, encouraging each other, and keeping each other accountable.  It's a good thing!  But they need our encouragement.  I think sometimes we let them know we want them to lead better, but then just leave them to figure it out on their own.  God made us to be their “helper” and the original word for “helper” is the same as we use when we say “God is our helper.”  We need to support them to meet and have their time with Christian men.  Trust me – and I know  this from experience - even as messed up as it seems, a wife nagging a husband telling him he needs to step up doesn't get his attention like another man telling him he needs to do something.

Okay.  So….  Men.

Maybe you're sitting there and saying, "YES.  This is exactly what my wife needed to hear.  I've been trying to tell her how important Post is to me."

Well.  I've got something for you too.  

This part is really hard for me to get out, because I don’t think that as a woman, I have the right to stand up here and teach men.  But I felt like God wanted me to say these things tonight, so I’m going to try to get through it.  My heart is to try to help you understand what might be going on in your wife’s head.

Ephesians says, "Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church.  He gave up His life for her."

Your time meeting with other men, even though it is very important time, does not come out of "family time" or one-on-one time with your wife.  You can't come home from 3 hours of meeting with other men, being built up, encouragement, prayer.......and then come home and ignore your family because you still think you need your "me" time.  This time with men is your "me" time.  When you come home is your "we" time.  Your family needs you.  Think of it as “on the job training” – you meet together to get the skills you need to lead your family.  I heard a speaker say once that you come home from your paid job, so you can go to your real job.  Your family needs you.  They need you to be present with them and be engaged.  You may have to give something up - TV time, or computer time, or working on a project time - because your family needs your time also.  It’s the most important job that you could ever have.  A lot of men may say, “But I don’t know how to start leading my family.”  The best place to start?  Prayer.  I don’t know very many wives who, when asked, “Can we pray together?” are going to say, “No.” 

I thought I’d tell you how we do it in our house. Paul has a crazy work schedule, working some days and some nights.  The mornings he’s home, he reads the Bible at the kitchen table.  He will pick out a verse that the kids can understand, and call them into the room and say, “Listen to this,” or he’ll ask me my opinion on a passage while the kids are listening.  We talk about what we’ve discussed in our groups, and ask the kids about what they learned at Sunday school.  He reads a kids Bible with the boys every night, and they kneel in the living room to pray.  (This is not because we’re super religious.  We started to help them concentrate – when they sit, they fidgit and look around, so he had them kneel looking at the boring couch.)

“Leading your family” sounds intimidating, but it’s not like teaching an hour-long discourse on the Bible every day.  It’s just as simple as bringing your spiritual life into your family life.  God gave the command in the Old Testament “talk about [the Scripture] when you are at home, and on the road, when you go to bed, and when you get up.”

I know it’s hard to make yourself vulnerable – both as a wife humbly asking her husband to lead, and as a husband making those first attempts to lead – but it has to start somewhere.  Someone has to be willing to take that first step, for the sake of your family.

I hope what I've talked about tonight makes sense, because as a mother of a 3-month-old (and 3 other children), I sometimes feel am not able to communicate above a 1st grade level. (smile)  So I'm going to close tonight with God's word on this topic, because He says it so much better than I do.

  

But first, let's pray.

God, I pray you speak to our hearts.  If there are areas that need to change, reveal them to us.  Open our ears to hear your voice speaking to us through your Word.  Amen.

These are all the verses I mentioned tonight, in their entirety.

Ephesians 5:21-24

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything.

Phillipians 2:3-4

Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

Hebrews 10:24-25

And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

Proverbs 27:17

As iron sharpens iron,

so one man sharpens another.

Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.”

Psalm 54:4

Surely God is my help;

the Lord is the One who sustains me.

Ephesians 5:25-26

For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word.

Deuteronomy 11:18-21

Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. Write them on the doorframes of your houses and on your gates, so that your days and the days of your children may be many in the land the Lord swore to give your ancestors, as many as the days that the heavens are above the earth.