Paul and I had to have one of those discussions to "clear the air" last night. I've been wanting to say something for a long time, and I've been stewing on it at night when the lights are off and he's asleep, or when he's gone at work - when I can't say anything to him. I have worked myself into a frenzy, getting angry, and I know that when I'm angry it's not the best time to bring something up.
So last night, after the kids were in bed, I decided it was time to stop stuffing it and get it said. If I put it off, I knew I was going to blow at a bad time, or in a bad way. I could already feel the pressure leaking out in little snippy things I was saying to him, and the way I was treating the kids.
I hate how even though these things need to be said, and I think I did a good job expressing myself without getting [overly] accusatory, I still feel like the bad guy for even bringing it up. But I guess that's better than feeling smug and victorious "because I put him in his place," or feeling angry and bitter. I cried, of course.
It took us until 5 AM to work through it. I brought it up and blindsided him, and when I had said all that I needed to say, he wouldn't say anything, so we turned on the TV and watched a movie. I fell asleep, and woke up at 2:40 to a silent house. I found him in front of the fire, "thinking." I prodded and prodded, and finally he started talking and explaining his side of it. We sat on the couch and talked, and I cried some more, and finally, the air was clear. We reached an end. No more stuffed emotions, no more silent sulking. We laughed at some stuff, and then went to bed.
I hate it when people just assume we can't relate to having marriage problems. Just because we don't have fights, doesn't mean we don't know anything about problems in marriage. We've dealt with plenty of serious issues. We just don't fight. I think, in 8 years, we have maybe yelled at each other once. And it was like a sentence, then we were done. And I don't go telling everyone about our problems. I mean, yes, I tell my sister and Mom, maybe one or two close friends, but I'm not constantly railing on him behind his back.
I mean, really? Would you rather for advice go to someone who is constantly cutting down their husband, or someone who knows how to work out their problems?
I am as tired as all get out today, but I am so much more relieved that everything got said. And I'm even happier that I pressed and got him to talk it out. I could have gone to bed, telling myself, "Well, now he knows where I stand," and pretend I didn't know it was bothering him and that he was upset. But now I know where he stands as well. I think it was a pretty good end to the biggest "fight" we've had all year.
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