Relief!

For as hot of temperatures as we've had this August, it has also the month that we've run the air conditioner the fewest amount of days. We just turned it on today after a 3 day stretch of having the windows open. It got down to 67 in here one night - I'm pretty sure it hasn't been that cool in our house since March! We had another 3-day stretch about 2 weeks ago that we enjoyed some temps in the 80s as well, where we opened up the house.
As far as I'm concerned, perfect weather would be low 80s during the day, and 50s at night. I am pretty sure I could live with that year-round. At the very least, it would be nice to be able to enjoy temperatures like that as an actual season, rather than a 1-2 week hiccup between freezing and sweltering.
We got our electric bill today.... Victory! It was $10 less than last month. I wasn't really trying to get it to be less, I just didn't want it to go up any more - it was pushing $300 real hard. So at the beginning of the month, I put a piece of paper over the screen of the thermostat so we couldn't see the temperature. I think we tend to get hung up on what it says the temp is, versus what it feels like. I left it on 78, and was pretty successful at getting Paul to leave it alone. We have been running fans constantly - we started doing that because our ceiling fan in the living room died, and due to the fact we have/had over $2000 of medical bills to pay, we can't afford to replace it right now. (We probably could have, but coughing up a hundred bucks for a ceiling fan seems unnecessary when you have a floor fan.) You'd be surprised how just having air moving makes it feel so much cooler. What really is driving the bill up is having two window units running all night and most of the afternoon in the boys' rooms. There is no ductwork to the upstairs, so we have to have window units for the boys in summer, and portable heaters in the winter. I forgot how much power they took until I saw the jump in our bill the first month after we got Jacob's installed. Yowch. But given the fact that it can get up to 90 up there, they are a necessity, not a luxury.
Anyhow. Just felt like spilling about that.

So Tired of This

I remember hitting this point with Nathan. I don't remember how old he was, but it seems like he was about the same age.
I'm at the point that I am so tired of being the only one that can get Jacob to sleep. The only way he will go to sleep is to fall asleep nursing, but he's figured out that if he nurses, he'll fall asleep, so he doesn't want to do that. So what results is that he'll nurse for about 4.3 seconds, then yank off (which feels like he's going to tear my nipple off), and bend over backwards in my arms until I put him down. But then after I put him down, he wants to be picked up. Then he squirms to get down, so I put him down and walk away. Then he starts crying, so I pick him up and try it all again. Do this about three times, then go up to his room and try it again in the cool and dark. Same deal. So I put him into his bed awake.
He's been screaming for over a half an hour. Screaming. Not just kind of meh, meh crying and whimpering. We're talking, if it was me, I'd have given myself an aneurysm already. I could go up there and try the whole routine again, but the result would be the same. I could go be a human pacifier for an hour, but as soon as I try to put him in bed, the screaming begins again. (I tried it yesterday.)
I'm tired of it. I'm counting down the days until nursing is over.
I want to know what parents do to get their kids to fall asleep like you see on funny video shows - where they're eating supper and falling asleep at the table. My boys have never, ever done that. Even when he's exhausted, I can count the number of times Nathan has fallen asleep in front of the television on one hand.
Granted, after going through this exact thing with Nathan, he goes to bed pretty well now. But I remember it took several days of letting him cry (scream) it out - for 45 minutes. But it really wears on you.
Some moms may disagree with my approach, but the alternative is to let him stay awake all afternoon, because that's what he wants. Naptime is a non-negotiable around here - I'm the adult, and I know what they need even if that's not what they want. If I were to let him stay awake, I don't get anything done, because he wants to be held all afternoon.
Maybe I'm selfish, or maybe I'm just doing what I have to do.

Temptation

I've come to realize in the last couple weeks that I am vulnerable to temptation. On nights like these, when Paul is working.... I usually give in. I have no adult here to distract me, to keep me accountable. So I give in. And it seems like once I give in to that first little bit, it snowballs, and then I can't stop.
I'm talking about eating! (But isn't the above true of anything we're tempted with?)
I don't know what it is about Paul being gone nights, but I get an epic munchie attack almost every time. And I shouldn't, because 9 nights out of 10 he's gone, I'm busy from the time he leaves until I go to bed - either doing housework, laundry, playing with the boys, getting them to bed, or exercising. When he's home, we do lazy stuff - like play games or watch movies - but I am not nearly as tempted - at least not until he breaks out the cookie dough ice cream! Maybe it's because he's home, and I know he knows that I'm trying to not munch, so I feel held accountable. (Not that he cares - he'd tell me to eat it if it sounds good and not feel guilty.)
Anyhow. Just thought I'd spill that while I made sure Nathan was asleep, before I started my exercise video.

Overheard:

"There's a difference between being strong-willed and being always right. I'm always right."

(Paul and I were discussing when one spouse calls the other strong-willed. I'll leave you to decide who said this one.)

Overheard:

"I don't drink pop much at all anymore. I pretty much just drink natural stuff. Coffee. Tea. Water..... Beer."

-one of my parents' neighbors when I offered him a pop while they were filling silo

Remind Me Why We Keep Pets?

I took the boys out to play in the sand pile on Monday, and within about 5 minutes of getting out here, I felt like killing every animal on our property that we pay to feed and keep around.
First off - we had to buy a tarp to cover the sand pile, because our cats thought it was their giant (pardon the term, but it so perfectly applies) "shitterbox." This spring, when we were out there every day, we would have to scoop out no less than a half dozen piles of poop, plus who knows how many pee deposits we missed. After finding one pile that exploded into wiggling tapeworms upon touching it with the shovel, I immediately sent Paul to the store to buy a tarp. The tarp is the same width as the sandbox, so covers it well, except at the corners where it's anchored. So if the stupid cats can find more than 3 square inches of sand uncovered, they will take a dump on it - and usually because the sand target is so small, they end up pooping at least in part on the tarp. SICK.
When I lifted the tarp, a big fat mouse ran out from under it and hid between the wall and the ladder. It startled me, but didn't bother me too badly.
I quickly started scooping and flinging the poo before the boys got in. Due to the heat, it had been probably a week since we'd been out there, so there were about 4 piles - thankfully all dried up. I missed one turd on the side the boys came in from, and Jacob was just getting it to his mouth as I grabbed his hand. SICK. (And that boy has an unnatural fascination with putting anything that is totally un-appetizing into his mouth.... dirt, sand, hair... you get the picture.)
The boys climbed in, and Nathan pointed out a toad. I shooed it over the edge. Then I found another one, and shooed it likewise. I kept wondering how those toads were sneaking back in, after about the 5th time of shooing one out, and then from beneath Nathan's foot a huge one squirmed up out of the sand. It was really big - it looked like I feel after conquering a Chipolte burrito. I shooed it out, and it waited politely under Nathan's little picnic table for us to get done out there so he could wriggle back down in the sand.
I glanced over, and I noticed that the mouse was still hiding between the wall and the ladder. So I went up to the house and carried Brutus outside and put him right in front of the ladder. Then I took a stick and pushed the mouse out toward him. Brutus looked at it, sniffed the ground, and walked off. The mouse ran back to the sand pile, so I picked Brutus up and threw him onto the mouse, thinking if it scurried away from him, Brutus would take up chase. Nope. He sniffed the mouse again and just sat down. The mouse scurried (more like sauntered - cocky little bastard)along the wall, so once again, I picked up Brutus to throw him toward the mouse. Brutus sat down at the end of the wall.
The dog came trotting up to see what all the comotion was about. The mouse hid again - UNDER THE CAT. I moved the cat so the dog could see the mouse, but when I said, "Come here, Hercules!" the stupid dog ran off. Then came back, then ran off, then came back, then ran all the way off. Like he was saying, "I know you want me to come, but you can't make me come. Ha." The mouse escaped into the dog pen.
I was thoroughly peeved at both of our pets then (the outdoor cats avoided my wrath by staying out of sight). And I kid you not - 10 minutes later, Brutus comes wandering up, and starts sniffing around. He came up to the ladder and crouched down, and started stalking the trail of the mouse - all the way up to and into the dog pen. A few minutes later, the dog came sniffing around and followed the trail as well.
If I had had something to throw at them other than a small child, I would have. Sometimes I hate our pets.

Welcome to the Skin Show!

I took the boys and went with my sister and nieces today to the public pool - I haven't been to the pool during public hours for probably close to 20 years. A couple of private parties, but I always knew everyone.
Let's just say - I understand why my family stopped going now. After my boys reach a certain age, we won't be going to the pool any more either. I have never seen so many breasts and thighs jiggling and flopping around - and it wasn't even busy today! (Okay, maybe at Oceans of Fun the two times I've been there for Paul's company picnic.)

Now, anyone who knows me knows that I'm not a beacon of modesty, wearing high collars and long skirts. Definitely not. I wear fitted tops (several that are a lot more "fitted" now after nursing two babies), and some that are kind of low. I don't generally wear shorts in public, because any shorts look like shorty-shorts when you have a 34-inch inseam, besides the fact that I have ugly legs. But to wear essentially a only bra and panties out for any man (or woman - ew) to ogle me? Um, no. Some might argue that they can see everything when you're wearing a tight top. But it's not the same. Trust me - I have a husband.

And I especially don't understand how Christians can think that it's okay, that modesty doesn't apply to the poolside. How is it women who would be outraged if someone spied them in their bra and panties are perfectly comfortable walking around the poolside in an equal amount of fabric? Or how it's slutty to wear a cropped shirt that shows off your belly, but it's okay to wear a bikini?

I have worn a bikini with no coverup before. Three times, in my whole life. Once when I was about 10 and my (then) aunt lent me and my sister hers so we could swim in their pool, once for my 21st birthday when me, my sister, and 2 friends went to the lake for a dip (the skinny kind)(And in that case, the less you wear, the less you can lose.) And once on our honeymoon, when only my husband would see me. I felt naked, even around my husband and and friends. And I could even concede that at home, around your family is one thing - I don't always wear my shorts and tank top when I splash around in the pool with Nathan, and I took off my shirt to get rid of the farmers tan when I worked on my parents farm - where no one could see me. But I don't see how or why women would want to be that naked in public around complete strangers. I wear a bikini now, but it is covered up by shorts and a tank top. (The reason I resorted to a bikini is because apparently I'm too tall for a standard swimsuit, and I don't want to drop $80+ for a "tall" swimsuit that I would only wear two or three times a year.)
Maybe I just understand how men think and how hard it is for them to not look at women when they're flaunting their goods. That's how guys are wired. But I would feel awkward going to the pool and having my husband with me with all these women lying out in their bikinis, even in the kiddie section.
And this is not jealousy talking. I don't say this only because I would look horrible in a bikini. Even if I were svelte and gorgeous (which I will be here in a few months - I'm already seeing results), I still wouldn't be showing it all off. Modesty is modesty, whether you're big or skinny. Modesty isn't only for fat girls. "If you've got it" doesn't mean you have to flaunt it.